


If I Lose Myself

by Tea__Bee



Series: Cuddle Prompts [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Not So Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Cuddling, Slow Burn, Whump, bed sharing, feeblemind whump, widomauk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-11-02 02:03:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17879024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tea__Bee/pseuds/Tea__Bee
Summary: Prompt #3: While Someone Is SickA battle with a warlock leaves Molly much less himself.Title from If I Lose Myself by OneRepublic





	If I Lose Myself

**Author's Note:**

> So this one starts mid battle, I am NOT good at writing combat, and I apologize. 
> 
> Thanks to Addy(Animated_Astromancer) and Sierra(seradiss) for reading this over and helping me out, you rock!

A bolt whizzed past Caleb’s ear and he could hear Nott cackling as she ran across the room behind him. She had been lucky, continually being  missed by many of the warlock's attacks. He muttered under his breath and moved his hands in a practiced form, sending a bolt of fire in the direction of the warlock’s direction, then stepping behind a pile of crates to shield himself and dab at the blood streaming from a cut on his forehead.

The man cried out, singed and angry, as Mollymauk landed a solid blow with one of his scimitars, knocking the grimacing warlock to his knees.

A sickening grin spread across the warlock’s face as he looked up into Molly’s eyes and smashed a glass sphere at his feet. The spell knocked Molly onto his back, sending him sliding across the temple floor, where he stopped just feet from Caleb's hiding place, propped up on his hands and looking wildly around him. His wide red eyes locked onto Caleb's, his expression full of confusion and fear, none of his usual bravado remaining.

Yasha took two steps forward with a roar and cleft the warlock nearly in twain with her sword, leaving him to bleed out on the cold stone.

Beau let out a whoop, throwing her fist up, wincing when it pulled at the wound on her side. “Sorry, Beau, I'm all out of spells for today, that butthead took a lot of work!” Jester limped over to Beau, checking that the wound wasn't too bad, wrapping it in bandages quickly before looking around at the rest of the party.

Caleb heard Beau call out for Jester, but there didn't seem to be much urgency in her voice now that the warlock had been slain, preventing further damage to the party. Mollymauk had flinched at the cheer she had sent up, and was curling further and further into himself, shying away from the noise. Caleb tilted his head at the tiefling on the ground, stepping closer, “Molly?"

As Caleb stepped forward, Molly scrambled backward on his hands and feet, making small, frightened noises. Caleb stopped and whirled to face everyone, “Something is wrong, here.” He said, gesturing slowly, trying to be the least threatening he could, at the man who'd back himself against the back wall of the temple. Jester and Yasha began to rush forward, but when Molly flung an arm protectively in front of his face, Jester's steps faltered and stopped. Yasha slowed, but did not stop until she had reached her friend, holding a hand out to touch his arm lightly and bring it down to look into his eyes.

He was covered in a light sheen of sweat, but his eyes locked onto Yasha's hand on his forearm. He moved his other hand to rest on hers, his lip quivering. “Molly?” She started, “Oh, Molly” She sighed as he only whimpered in response. She pulled him into her arms and he immediately collapsed into her, wrapping an arm around her waist. She looked over her shoulder, “He must have done something,” She said, nodding to the broken body of the warlock behind her, “Molly? Molly can you tell us anything? Does it hurt?”

Molly only mumbled unintelligibly, beginning to tear up and looking around, his eyes locking back onto Caleb's, pleading as tears started to streak down his face.

Something clicked in Caleb's head, “I-I do not think he _can_ tell us, Yasha.” He said, stepping forward again, more carefully this time. He crouched, only a couple feet from Molly and Yasha, and looked over Mollymauk. He looked so vulnerable, and very frightened.

Fjord, who had wandered over to Jester with Beau, muttered, “Jes, can't you help him out?” Beau was already shaking her head.

Jester danced back and forth from foot to foot, unsure. “I'm all out of spells for today, Fjord!” She cried, wringing her hands and quieting her voice when her cry made Molly flinch again, hiding his face in Yasha's shoulder. “I couldn't even help Beau with her side! Oh, oh what can we do?”

Nott had crept up to stand beside Caleb, “We have to get him somewhere safe. We'll just have to watch him until Jester can find a way to help him tomorrow. Let's get back to town, back to the inn before any more creepies crawl out of the walls or something.” She tugged on Caleb's hand, but his eyes were still locked on Molly. He wanted so badly to help, hated to see him, to see anyone, in this state, losing themselves and not knowing what was happening.

Molly sniffed and looked up over Yasha's shoulder tentatively, his eyes once again finding Caleb's after scanning over the rest of the group. He whimpered and reached out. Caleb hesitated, unsure of how to react to Mollymauk reaching out for him, of all people, but shuffled forward, still crouched, until he could take Molly's hand in both of his. “Mollymauk, we have to get away from here, need to get somewhere calm, somewhere safe, until we can figure out a way to help you. _Ja?_ Do you understand?” He said, softly, trying to put kindness into his voice, a promise of safety into expression. Molly looked back and forth a few times from his face to Yasha's, unsure of what any of this meant, but seeming to decide he was safe with the people surrounding him. He released his grip on Yasha, just slightly, allowing her and Caleb to take the hands they each held and pull him to his feet.

The Mighty Nein made their way through back alleys, away from the old temple and back to their inn. They avoided busier streets, though it was after sunset and the town wasn't exactly bustling at this hour. Better safe than sorry, with there being no telling how Molly would react to strangers. He kept his hands clasped around Yasha's and Caleb's, walking in the middle of the group, as everyone kept an eye out for any issue with their passing, glancing back to check on Molly every few seconds almost in perfect rotation. But he seemed better, comparatively, at least. He wasn't speaking, and he still looked a bit wary of his surroundings, but he'd stopped crying, and at least seemed to feel safe as long as he was touching the two people who flanked him.

When Caleb had tried to release his grasp, Molly had held on tighter, looking concerned, and so Caleb had stayed beside him. He had no idea why the man felt the need to keep him close, but he supposed Molly did not know, either. Caleb had heard of spells that could addle the brain, make a person unable to communicate or make sense of their surroundings. The warlock had certainly been powerful, and it seemed he had imprisoned the vibrant purple tiefling somewhere in his own mind, rendering him helpless and scared.

Once they’d successfully made their way back to the Inn, Yasha and Caleb went straight up to Molly’s room with him in tow, leaving the others to order food. There was an awkward moment when they reached the door, Caleb pausing outside, feeling oddly like he was intruding on the other man’s space, suddenly. But as Mollymauk looked back at him, confused, and Yasha looked to him pleadingly, he followed them.

Yasha moved to clear some of Molly’s discarded things from one of the beds, then realized she’d likely need both of her hands. She stopped, looking down and thinking for a moment, before looking quickly from Molly to Caleb. “Um… here,” She mumbled, breaking her grasp from Molly’s left hand, but quickly, almost lightning-fast, putting it into Caleb’s open hand, turning the two to face each other unexpectedly.

Mollymauk whimpered for a moment, looking back over his shoulder at Yasha, before turning back to Caleb, looking him over with his head tilted. Caleb was suddenly feeling very put on the spot. He hadn’t been face to face with Mollymauk, close like this, since the incident in the mines, and of course, remembering that, he felt a flush spread across his cheeks and looked down. He saw Molly’s boots shuffle, and felt the tiefling get closer. He sucked in a quick breath and looked up again, meeting red eyes that were looking at him like the world had narrowed to just this moment, brows furrowed above them and mouth pulled into a pout. Caleb unconsciously bit his own bottom lip, feeling unable to focus.

Yasha cleared her throat and Caleb jumped, only just now remembering she was even in the room. “I, uh..” He faltered. “What should we do now, with… him, with the… situation?” He looked down at his hands, both still intertwined with Molly’s, swallowed against a lump in his throat, and looked up at Yasha for help.

Yasha sighed and walked over, taking one of Molly's hands from Caleb and leading him over to sit on the bed, dragging Caleb along behind him. “I don't suppose there is much we _can_ do, Caleb.” She said, sitting with her quiet friend and looking up at Caleb. “I never… I _never_ wanted to see him like this again. I-I _know_ it is not the same. That he will recover quickly, when Jester regains her spells in the morning.” She shook her head, “But he is… he is very similar, right now. To how he was, when he was new.”

Caleb realized now that while Molly had been quiet, due to whatever spell the warlock had cast upon him, Yasha had been absolutely silent as well. She was hurting, seeing Molly this way. “I am sorry, Yasha, I did not realize,” Caleb sat at the very edge of the bed, frowning. He started to speak again, but was interrupted when the door creaked open, Nott poking her head in. “Nott, _hallo_ , come in.”

“Um, it’s everyone. We have food.” She said, opening the door wide to let everyone in. As they shuffled in, Molly shifted on the bed, tucking his feet underneath himself and leaning on Yasha. This only served to tug Caleb closer, so he scooted up onto the bed a bit further to make keeping hold of Molly a bit easier. Molly hummed, satisfied and comfortable now in the quiet room filled with people he knew would keep him safe, even if he knew little else at this moment.

When everyone had eaten, Jester kneeling in front of Molly and feeding bits to him, a bit of awkwardness returned. Everyone was tired, the fight had taken a lot out of them all, but the sleeping arrangements seemed up in the air now, with Molly still refusing to let Yasha or Caleb to leave his side. Normally, Molly and Fjord roomed together, but now…

“Caleb?” Yasha whispered. The room had gotten very quiet, Molly dozing now, with his head on Yasha’s lap, one foot tucked under him, the other falling off of the bed, next to Jester’s head. She’d fallen asleep on the floor with her back against the bed, exhausted completely.

“ _Ja_?” Caleb looked up at her, setting his plate on the bed with his free hand, his other hand resting, still clasped in a purple, manicured one, on Molly’s hip.

“Caleb, I am sorry. This,” she gestured to Molly, brushing hair off his forehead. “This cannot be easy for you, I know. You are not one for physical affection, for a lot of contact. I want to thank you. You do not have to be here for him like this, I know you are not close with him, in this way.”

“Yasha-”

“No, wait. I am not finished, and this is… not easy to ask.” Yasha paused, shaking her head, “I-I cannot… I cannot do this, all night. I cannot handle this, alone, this time. It is, very difficult for me, seeing him this way. When we were in the carnival, when he first came to us, we took it in rotations, like watch, almost. And he and I were not close, then, it was not as intense for me” She sighed, “Would it be too much to ask you to stay with him, tonight?”

Caleb wasn’t sure what to say. He stared at the floorboards while the others finished cleaning up, Fjord helping a sleepy Jester up off the floor and leading her to one of the group’s other rooms, while Nott patted a hand on his shoulder and told him she’d be in the other room with Beau. As everyone filtered out of the room, Caleb rubbed a hand over his face, failing to come up with any valid reason to say no to Yasha. He groaned, “ _Ja,_ Yasha, okay, I will not leave him. You can stay in the other room with the girls, an I will stay with Molly.”

Yasha gave him a small smile, “Thank you.” She let out a relieved breath, scooting Molly’s head off of her lap and pulling his sleeping form up the bed, laying his head on a pillow. She took his hand from Caleb’s, allowing him time to take off his coat and remove his books and shoes, pulling at the laces of Molly’s boots with her other hand, Caleb moving to help her now that he was ready to get into bed. They pulled off his boots and tucked his feet under the blanket. Caleb held a hand out as they finished, and Yasha handed Molly’s hand back to him, pausing when the tiefling shifted in his sleep. Caleb lay down next to him as Yasha crept out of the room, closing the door quietly as possible behind her.

Caleb stared up at the ceiling for a long while, trying somehow not to touch Molly at all apart from the hand he held. Just as he started to fall asleep, he heard a quick intake of breath next to him, Molly’s hand slipping from his own sharply. He sat up quickly, pulling the blanket down in the process, and saw in the dim light of the lantern that Molly had woken up. He was sitting up on his elbows, looking around the room wildly, before realizing Caleb was next to him. His breathing calmed slightly, before he started to whimper.

“Molly, _Molly_ , come here, it is okay,” Caleb reached out for his hand again, hoping to calm him without having to go and wake Yasha. Molly swallowed and sighed, pouting slightly before suddenly wrapping his arms around Caleb’s waist, effectively pulling the other man back down onto the bed with a huff, resting his cheek on his shoulder, his horns slotting into the space next to his head. Caleb settled back down onto the bed, a bit shocked, his hand still outstretched slightly in front of him in the dim room. He held his breath a moment, unsure of how to handle this new development. He felt Molly nuzzle his cheek into his shoulder and sigh contentedly, and let out his breath, confused.

Then he felt Molly’s tail snake around his wrist and his eyes went wide. His breath came in short, shallow huffs as he felt Molly’s tail tug his hand over to rest on his waist, and his arms tighten around his waist. He didn’t move until he heard Molly’s breathing even out, signaling that the other man had fallen back asleep. Molly’s body was warm against his. Caleb was, surprisingly, very comfortable. He relaxed, turning slightly into Molly’s grasp and rubbing his thumb absentmindedly on the man’s hip, and fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> That one was TOUGH to write, but turned out WAY longer! 
> 
> This one may have whumped me even harder than it whumped Caleb and Molly(and Yasha, who got whumped in the crossfire...)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, comment and subscribe for more! I have 7 more prompts in this series!
> 
> -J


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